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Englischsprachige Lesbenwitze

PUSSIES
This man is sitting in a bar and notices two lovely women across the way. He calls the bartender over and says, "I'd like to buy those two ladies a drink."
The bartender replies, "It won't do you any good."
The man, with a confused look on his face says, "It doesn''t matter, I want to buy those women a drink."
The bartender delivers the drinks to the ladies and the ladies acknowledge the drink with a nod of their heads. About a half-hour later, the man approaches the women and says, "I'd like to buy you two another drink."
The women both reply, "It won't do you any good."
The man says, "I don't understand. What do you mean it won't do me any good?"
The first lady says, "We're lesbians."
The man replies, "Lesbians? What are lesbians?"
The second woman replies, "Lesbians... We like to lick pussies."
The man says, "Bartender, three beers for us lesbians."

Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A: A lickalotapus.

THE BOYFRIEND
A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red ''H'' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor.
"Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he''s so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue ''Y'' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he''s so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green ''M'' on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor.
"No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?"

Question: How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?
Answer: Even the pool table doesn't have balls.

Q: How do you make a lesbian anorexic eat?
A: Put pussy hair around her dinner plate.

A woman goes to the gynecologist,and upon examination, the doctor says, "Why, it's immaculate in here! What do you do to keep yourself so hygenic?"
The woman responds, "I have a woman in twice a week."

Do you know what drag is?
It's when a man wears everything a lesbian won't.

A woman walked into the pharmacy and asked for a vibrator. The pharmacist gestured with her index finger and said, "Come this way." The woman replied, "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need a bloody vibrator."

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